Guide to succeeding in Marketing

No joke, I used to work with this person:


Dress code:

• Tight black shirt (top 3 buttons undone of course) with over sized lapels.
• Skin tight black trousers, or are they Lycra?
• Flip-flops...no not the kind you used to wear as a kid, but 'designer' ones. The bit that goes between your big toe and next toe is rhino hind with a very large fake diamond-like solitaire in the middle.

Hair style:

If he didn't have jet black hair (probably out of a bottle) he'd look like shaggy off scooby-doo. In his long black hair was random splashes of hair gel. I think they call it the scrunched look. Looks more like he drove to the office with his car window open.


Daily lunch:
Deli style designer Sandwich with a bottle of specially formulated detox water.


Accommodation:
Small 'pad' in the City. Obviously you can't refer to it as a flat or high rise.


Favourite tipple:
Quaffing champagne, what else? Common drinks like real ale and lager clog your pours.


Common phrases to prove you're in marketing:

• "On-brand"
• "On-message"
• "We don't want to dilute the message"
• "Who's the brand guardian for this?"
• "Let's engage with our agency"
• "The six p's of marketing" - even marketing people can't decide on how many p's there are and they keep making up more of them to make themselves sound smart!
• "It's a marketing thing, you wouldn't understand it"
• "Are you working above or below the line?"
• "I'm working on a new campaign...", NEVER refer to work as a project, it's always a campaign.
• Yes, you guessed it, "we need to think outside the box on this"

...what a wanker.